


Always Knew This Day Would Come

by one_of_those_crushing_scenes



Category: Marvel 616, Wasp (Marvel Comics)
Genre: Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, F/F, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Mostly Canon Compliant, One Shot, Seriously dialogue heavy you guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-10 00:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20126287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_of_those_crushing_scenes/pseuds/one_of_those_crushing_scenes
Summary: Now that Ying knows what her name is and where she comes from, she's ready to find out the rest. Bobbi prepares to say goodbye to one of the closest people she's had to family in a long time, but luckily, she has someone to remind her that she's not alone.





	Always Knew This Day Would Come

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [Mockingwasp_Promptfest_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Mockingwasp_Promptfest_2019) collection. 

> The prompt was, "Nadia was right -Bobbi is lost in a way. She's confused, unsure where she fits, and who she is (agent? spy? avenger? scientist?) and she needs Jan's support and guidance more than she realizes."
> 
> So...the story ran away from the prompt a little bit, because apparently I can't control my keyboard for shit. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Basically canon compliant with the single exception that Jan isn't dating Tony. Because that would make things awkward.

The lab is dark, empty. Quiet. Bobbi flips the switch on the wall, filling the room with light, and starts walking around between lab tables. As she makes her way around the room, she goes into clean-up mode without thinking about it, throwing out some discarded paper towels and pushing glassware away from the edges of the tables. The girls are old enough to manage their own tables, but they’re still just teenagers, still learning. She stops last at Ying’s table: clean, ordered, everything put away in its place.

Ying is leaving tomorrow. Backpacking for a few months through China, visiting towns along the Amur River in hopes of finding information about her family. It’s a big step, one that’s currently being celebrated with cake and junk food down the hall.

There are footsteps outside the doorway, and then Jan appears. “Hey,” she says. “You’re missing the party.”

“I’ll be right back,” Bobbi answers, her hands idly playing with the edge of the table. “I didn’t mean to make you come looking for me.” She just needed a little bit of a break from all the excitement. The mood at Ying’s farewell party is upbeat, everyone excitedly discussing her travel plans, speculating about where she’ll go, what she’ll see, and who she’ll meet, and Bobbi’s just feeling a touch emotional about it all.

“You didn’t make me do anything,” Jan replies. “Mind if I come in?” Bobbi waves her in, and Jan walks inside and looks around. Her heels echo off the tile floor in the otherwise-silent room. “Looks so different without the girls. I like it better noisy.”

Bobbi likes it noisy, too. The girls are always moving, always creating. It makes her so happy to see the way they thrive, given the opportunity. If only she’d had—but no, she’d had plenty of opportunities when she was younger, too. Graduate school. State-of-the-art SHIELD labs. Even the Avengers.

It’ll be noisy again tomorrow. Four busy teenagers can make just as much of a ruckus as five, and after a few days, they’ll be using the extra table space for their own work, leaving extra notebooks and equipment on Ying’s abandoned desk. That’s how ecosystems work; the void always gets filled.

“So, you want to talk about it?” Jan says.

“Talk about what?” Bobbi asks innocently. “I’m just doing some cleaning up.” She holds up a scrunched-up paper towel from Priya’s table. “Cluttered desk, cluttered mind, right?”

“And it couldn’t wait until the party was over?” Jan shakes her head at her and puts a hand on Bobbi’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss her, too.”

“Yeah, of course.” Bobbi pastes a smile on her face. “We all will. But it’s not like we’re never going to see her again.”

Janet tilts her head at Bobbi. “And you know, it’s okay if you’re...” she hesitates, then ventures a guess. “Afraid of being left behind?”

That wording, which so accurately describes what Bobbi’s trying so hard _not_ to feel, hits her like a punch to the gut. She has no right. How can she be afraid of being left behind when that’s her whole life? She’s been the one doing the leaving half the time, the one being left the other half—this was inevitable.

And she’s never had any claim on Ying. Somewhere out there, there may be a set of parents who haven’t had a decent night’s sleep for a decade and a half because their hearts are too sick with worry over their baby girl’s disappearance, who are just as desperate for a clue about what happened to her as Ying was to find out where she came from. What kind of monster would feel anything but joy at the chance to reunite those parents with their wonderful, kind, brave daughter?

“You know, no matter what or who she finds out there,” Jan says, rubbing Bobbi’s arm, standing close enough that Bobbi can feel herself warming up just from their vicinity, “you’re always going to be the first adult she ever trusted, and the one who made it all possible.”

That’s a little revisionist—Ying met and trusted Jan before she ever met Bobbi, but it’s a sweet thing to say. “It’s a team effort,” Bobbi corrects her. “Bucky’s the one who found the base where her files were kept, and he’s the one joining her—” because it would attract too much attention, possibly attract the Red Room’s attention, if Ying traveled in a group. And with Bucky actually speaking the language, the question of who should accompany her was never really on the table. He told Bobbi that he and Natasha had basically gutted the organization a few months ago, but that doesn’t mean it’s entirely eradicated. And two travelers, one a teenage Chinese girl who barely speaks Chinese and one an adult Westerner who does, asking questions about a disappearance fifteen years ago...well, word is going to get around. And it there’s anyone left to get wind of it, it’ll reach them.

That’s Natasha’s job. She’s going to be in the shadows, where she does her best work. Not traveling with them, but keeping an eye out. Just in case the whispers become the wrong kind of whispers. Bobbi wishes that could be her, but again...language barrier. Her Russian is good enough for that type of mission, but not her Chinese, and Natasha is fully fluent in both. Oh, well—when Bobbi’s ninety years old, she’s sure she’ll have a few more languages under her belt. And maybe it’s better this way.

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Jan says, and for a second, Bobbi’s startled, thinking she’s read her mind. Then she realizes that Jan isn’t talking about her language skills; she means she should give herself more credit for the original mission to find out about Ying’s origins.

“Well, either way.” Bobbi inhales and steps away from Janet. “We should be getting back before they run out of chips, or Monica Rappaccini attacks the building, or something.”

Jan stops her with her hand on Bobbi’s arm. Looking worried, she says, “You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Bobbi raises her eyes to meet Jan’s gaze, trying to figure out the intent behind that statement. Sometimes, it seems like Jan treats her like one of the teenagers she’s responsible for instead of a peer, which stings. She’s been managing her own emotions for a very long time; she doesn’t need someone else to do it for her.

Jan meets her look head-on, and the calmness in her face drains away Bobbi’s resentment, leaving the rest of her feelings, a mixture of guilt, longing, and wistfulness, to bubble to the surface. Finally, she can't stand it anymore.

“It’s too late for me,” Bobbi blurts out, for the very first time voicing a thought she’s been carrying around for years. “I already had a family who loved me, and I threw it away.”

Years ago, while she was still a SHIELD agent, a gunfight had put her into a coma. After waking up, she’d decided to go solo and had figured it was safest for her family to sever all ties with them, so Nick Fury had helped her fake her death. They hadn’t found out she was actually alive until years later, when Clint had tracked them down. Since then, they haven’t wanted anything to do with her, understandably.

Janet’s still quiet, waiting for her to let everything out, so Bobbi keeps talking. “You know, back when Clint and I were married, before...everything that happened, I got pregnant.” She watches Jan's expression change to one of surprise. They’d never told anyone about it—it all happened so fast, within the span of a few weeks...and when it was over, there didn’t seem to be a point. “It was an accident, but we were so excited. You know how he is...so much love to give, and nowhere to give it, not with his history. He would have been such an incredible father. And I...I don’t have a ton of experience with babies, but the second I got that positive pregnancy test, I started imagining possible futures.” She rests her hand on her lower abdomen, where the sparks of a new life had once grown, just for a few weeks.

“I’m so sorry,” Jan says, guessing correctly at how the pregnancy ended.

Bobbi pauses. The rest of this story is hard to admit. She’s never said it out loud before, not even to Clint. “When the cramping started...one of my first thoughts was, _I deserve this_.” She squeezes her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry as the memories start to creep in. The hospital visit where the doctor informed them that there was nothing they could do aside from taking it easy for the rest of the day, that some pregnancies just weren’t viable and that early miscarriages were actually much more common than people thought. The day she’d spent in bed, cramping and vomiting between bouts of tears.

Brushing away the memory, she continues. “The rest of you all...you, Clint, Hank, Nadia, Bucky—you had your families taken from you, or you from them, by force or circumstances. I had in the palm of my hand what almost everyone I know would do anything to have, and I chose to give it up.”

“To keep them safe,” Jan points out.

“If I really cared about them, I would have given them a choice,” Bobbi says. “No, I...I’m not meant to have a family. I know that ten to twenty percent of first-trimester pregnancies end in miscarriage and there was nothing I could have done, but when you look at the patterns of my life. My marriage. My teams. My friendships. None of them last. It’s me; I’m the common factor. I just hope that I can make a positive impression on people’s lives while I’m part of them.”

That’s what she’s tried to do, anyway. Looking out for the members of the World Counterterrorism Agency until they were absorbed by SHIELD, giving Silk’s family a place to live until they found a new home of their own, even something as simple as letting Peter Parker crash on her couch. She’s fallen completely out of touch with Peter, hasn’t seen the Moons in ages (although they did once send regards when Cindy was speaking to them on the phone before a mission), and hasn’t exchanged more than the occasional hallway small talk with Bangs, London, and Twitch ever since they all went back to SHIELD.

She’s not complaining. Everyone has their own things going on. Just because their lives crossed for a little bit, doesn’t mean that they’re forever entangled.

And if Ying finds out that she has parents who love her and miss her and have worried about her for years, and if she manages to fix the damage that the Red Room caused by ripping her away from them, that’s the happiest possible thing that could happen. Bobbi will just...keep moving forward.

Jan is looking at her, and Bobbi can’t quite decipher her expression. “I know it’s hard to understand—” she starts.

“No, it’s not,” Jan cuts her off. “It’s actually really relatable. I feel like you ripped a page from my diary a few years ago.”

Bobbi cocks her head at her. “You?” she says, incredulous. “But you have...you’re, like, the heart of the Avengers. Everyone loves you. And now, you’ve got Nadia—she even took your last name. Come on, Janet. You’re the furthest thing from that.”

“Maybe that’s how it seems to you,” Jan says. “But I’ve been there. I had to fight tooth and nail to be considered an Avenger in my own right, not just Hank’s sidekick. And then, after I finally thought I’d found my place...what happened with Wanda knocked the whole thing out from underneath me. I don’t know if anyone ever told you that her breakdown was instigated by something I said to her. I should have known better. I’m not saying it was my fault, but I did kind of hate myself for a long time after that happened.”

Bobbi shakes her head. “I had no idea.” She missed that entire saga and only received the highlights afterward. How awful for Jan, to blame herself for a disaster of that scope. “Did you tell anyone?”

“Nah,” Jan says. “I was too ashamed at the time. Eventually, I came clean to my therapist, and that helped a lot. And when I came back, I pushed my way back into the Avengers again.” She digs her toe into the black floor mat under her feet. “I only have the relationships that I do, including Nadia, because I kept putting myself out there.” She catches Bobbi’s eye and gives her a wink. “Like when I called you.”

“When you called me?” Bobbi repeats. She remembers the night Jan called, talking her ear off about this fantastic idea for a fully-funded research lab for teenage girl geniuses who were going to change the world and had already gotten off the ground. How Bobbi just _had_ to meet them. Especially Nadia’s old lab partner, Ying, who had a blunt sense of humor that Bobbi would absolutely love.

"All the things I've done, and this is the best one," Janet continues, waving her arm in an arc around the room. "And you're the one who did it with me. I didn't call you just for your science skills, you know. I know you put a hundred percent into everything you do and how far you go for the people in your life. Whether they're part of your life for a couple of weeks or for the long run."

Bobbi feels the knot in her stomach loosening, but it just makes her want to cry. Maybe she does make a difference, but it's getting harder and harder to say goodbye. And yet, "I can't hold her back," Bobbi says, referring to Ying. "She deserves to know her family. It's not the same as you and Nadia."

“Come here,” Jan says, pulling Bobbi into a hug. “A person can have more than one family, you know. As a group of wise young men once said, ‘You have so many relationships in this life; only one or two will last.’”

“Extremely wise. That’s from ‘Mmmbop,’ isn’t it?”

“It is.”

“So wise,” Bobbi repeats. "Ahead of its time in so many ways."

Their hug has been going on for longer than average, but she doesn’t want to end it. She can feel the tension draining out of her through Janet’s touch, and then she catches a whiff of lilac perfume and it makes her want to burrow in even more. “Hey, Jan?”

“Yeah?”

“When you said you were putting yourself out there by calling me...?”

Jan pulls back a few inches and looks at her, an impish grin on her face. “I may have had something of a crush on you.”

That was what she was hoping for, but it’s still a surprise. Bobbi’s always liked Jan, but it’s only recently that she realized how _much_ she likes Jan. She’s brave and forceful and cute and charismatic and thoughtful and kind, and those things have always been true, but seeing it up close, day in and day out, has given Bobbi no choice but to fall for her. And all this time she thought Janet was babying her—was she actually just trying to get close?

“Well?” Jan says after a minute. They’re still holding each other loosely, as if they’ve forgotten that they’re even doing it.

“I’m trying to process it,” Bobbi responds. “You’re way out of my league.”

Jan laughs. “Have you seen yourself lately?”

“Oh, no, I know I’m amazing. But you’re still out of my league.”

“Uh-huh.” Jan smirks at her with the confidence of someone who knows she's out of all the leagues but couldn’t give less of a damn. “Well, if you don’t feel the same way...”

“I didn’t say that.” Bobbi pauses for a second, then admits, “I’m scared.”

“So am I,” Janet says softly. “But that’s part of what makes it so fun.”

There’s a twinkle in her eye that looks like a challenge, and Bobbi’s never been one to turn down a dare. So she licks her lips slowly and then slides her hands down to Jan’s waist, holding her gently in place. She can see the black in Janet’s eyes, the flush in her cheeks, the way her mouth opens slightly as Bobbi slowly leans in and touches her lips to hers.

Janet makes an appreciative noise as their mouths meet, and she cups Bobbi’s cheeks in her soft, small hands. Bobbi’s heart speeds up—is it fear or excitement? Or both? She hasn’t let herself feel this way about anyone since Clint, but her feelings for Janet hit her hard and by surprise. It’s more than just living together and being so involved in each other’s lives—it’s about how amazing Janet is, capable in so many ways, and thoughtful and beautiful and strong.

“Oh!”

A sound from the doorway, causes them to jump apart. Bobbi looks over and sees Shay standing there, her hand covering her mouth. “I’m so sorry,” she says. “I saw the light on, and I...” she trails off.

“It’s okay,” Bobbi assures her, although she’s sure her face is bright red. “Why aren’t you at the party?”

“Oh,” she says. “I just needed a few minutes to breathe.”

Janet gives Bobbi a meaningful look, and whispers, “You’ve got this,” before walking out of the room, giving Shay a pat on the shoulder on her way out.

Bobbi watches her walk away and takes a second to appreciate how lucky she is.

“I’m so sorry,” Shay repeats once Jan is gone. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” Her eyes dart over to the empty doorway and then she looks back at Bobbi. “Um, how long have the two of you...?”

“It’s...new,” Bobbi answers, trying to keep the dazed feeling out of her voice. “But that’s not why you left the party, right?”

Shay sighs and crosses her arms, making herself look even smaller than usual. “I’m the worst girlfriend in the world. I should be happy for her. And I am! I just...”

“You’re afraid that things are going to change and the two of you will drift apart?” Bobbi suggests.

“How did you know?” Shay asks, looking up.

Bobbi hops up onto Ying’s desk and pats the empty seat next to her. “Let’s just say I’ve been there,” she answers, without specifying exactly how long ago it was that she’d ‘been there.’

Shay climbs up and sits next to her. “It’s just, this is all so new, and things are changing so fast.” Bobbi nods and is about to respond, but then she continues. “I know, I know, I need to talk to her about this, not just you.” She smiles to herself. “She always knows what to say to make me feel better.”

"Just be honest about your feelings, huh?" Kids these days are amazing. Not for the first time, Bobbi thinks to herself that these girls are teaching her more than she’s teaching them. The next generation is really something.

“I’m glad she has you,” Shay is saying. “I know I have the most super badass girlfriend in the world, but I don’t know if she’d have the courage to do it if she weren’t, you know, secure in the knowledge that no matter what she finds out, you’ll be there for her.”

Well. Apparently, they’ve got more faith in her than she does in them. Guess she needs to step up. “I should probably talk to her, too,” she says. “Just...to make sure she _is_ secure in that knowledge.” She moves to stand. “Come on, it’s getting late. Let’s go shower your girlfriend with lots of love and attention before she leaves the country.”

Shay pushes herself off the desk and they make their way to the door, turning left out the room and almost colliding into Ying.

“Oh!” Ying says, surprised. “I didn’t realize anyone was in here.”

“We were just headed back,” Bobbi says. “What’s up?”

“I just needed a few minutes away from the party, to breathe,” Ying explains. She looks alarmed as Bobbi and Shay start to laugh. “What? What did I say that was funny?”

\--

“You have your notebooks?” Bobbi asks.

“Yes, Bobbi, I haven’t lost my notebooks since you asked fifteen minutes ago.” Ying tosses a backpack into the back of Bobbi’s car. “And I have clean socks, duct tape, and Nadia’s static electricity phone charger as well.”

“Just like you did fifteen minutes ago,” Bobbi says sheepishly.

“Thank you for being concerned,” Ying says. “I know that you’re triple-checking that I have everything because you want to make sure nothing goes wrong, and that’s how you show that you care about me.”

“Speaking of which,” Bobbi says. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small jewelry box. Thanks to Janet’s fashion connections, she was able to get access to a whole variety of options to choose from at the last minute. “I wasn’t sure about your taste, but Janet helped me pick it out, and...”

Ying opens the box to find a charm necklace with a chunky silver rolo chain and two charms at the end: one, a silver microscope, and the second, a red pair of boxing gloves. She holds it up to get a better look, and her face lights up as she examines it. “It’s perfect! Thank you so much.” She throws her arms around Bobbi and squeezes her tightly. “I promise I’ll call you every day.”

“You might be busy—” Bobbi starts.

“_Every day_,” Ying says firmly.

Janet and Bucky come outside and meet them at the bottom of the steps. “Everyone ready?” Jan asks.

Ying and Bucky confirm that they’re ready, so they finish loading the car and Bobbi goes to the driver’s seat. Janet walks her over, and their hands brush slightly. Liking the way it feels, Bobbi hooks her pinky finger around one of Janet’s fingers, and Jan presses her palm against Bobbi’s.

They stop at the driver’s seat and look at each other. Bobbi’s heart is in her throat as Jan gives her a soft smile. “It’s going to be okay,” Jan tells her. “What we have here—all of us—this is permanent. This is family.”

Bobbi nods, swallowing.

“You believe me?” Jan asks.

“I believe you,” Bobbi says.

“Good.” Jan leans in and kisses her softly on the lips. “Now go see our intrepid duo off and then come back to me.”


End file.
